An Open Heart

In my life February is heart month.  Birthdays - my own and many family. Valentine's. The day I got my pacemaker is in February - how close to the heart can you get?

Yesterday I noticed vividly the tan dried leaves of dormant winter in the trees at the park.  Some had lost their leaves completely.  The pines ever in their green.  They wear the winter well.  As I walked to my car I noticed the jonquils were in rare multiple bud form this year.  Maybe it's the seventh year when they multiply.  It sure seems so.  Though one stood out in a row of buds - full bloom standing tall.  Could it be it had opened it's heart to this chill in the air without regard for the risk it took to do so?

When I went in for heart surgery I did pretty much as I often do.  I pretty much ignored that it was me this was happening to.  Short of breath, gaining weight from the drugs that managed high BP and heart tissue thickness.  That moment the nurse said to the surgeon in consultation "And what's the diagnosis?'.  "Heart failure" he said.

WHAT? WHO?

Oh geez they must be talking about someone else, she's only been in here for like three minutes.

They fixed it! Well they repaired the issues that Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM) causes.  They stopped my heart, opened my heart up and carved down a thickened septum that was slowly shutting me down.  Crazy huh still to this day.  It's a fix, not a cure.  But a good fix.  

Is opening your heart a good thing?

The recovery of that particular heart opening has been difficult tho it's gotten easier. I couldn't walk 300 steps when I first came home from the hospital and now each day I expect 10,000 steps of myself.  In being realistic I've set 50,000 steps as a weekly goal.   That number should have health benefits and maybe keep my heart from having to be opened for that particular reason for a long time.

I find myself reflective on Sunday mornings.  I recall the Sunday mornings of life readying for church and often unique Sunday dinners - either in home or at a restaurant.  Many of my favorite places serve chicken and dressing on Sundays.  That's a heart food and isn't that what we do on Sundays.  We open our hearts and feed them. I think in the ready for spiritual centering in our lives, I've often seen Sunday as a new week's beginning of heart opening in much the same way as Monday's are for opening of your heart (stomach) to begin eating right again.  Sunday we open our hearts to the spiritual food we need.  Formal or not, musical or not, the moment arrives and we find ourselves at a new beginning.  Or we continue!  We continue that journey of opening our heart to what's best for us, what feeds that eternal juggling pattern of keeping mind, body and soul in unison.

I'm attempting to open my heart to new and good things for myself.  I'm a clutter monster as I surround myself with relics that probably will never have a use but I like how focusing on the relics provoke feelings, memories, hopes, dreams and - oh geez - DUST!  My clutter monster is smothering my jonquil blood within. It has no room to stand up much less bloom.

I'm not one to try new things that easily but as I stand (sit) in the 3rd quarter of my life I know I must open my heart to many things or I'll not experience them.  I'll sit here and say I want a modern, simplistic home but I have not opened my heart to tossing the things that I'll never use again to make room for things I use so much more.

I am challenged to open my heart to new things and I find solace and strength this Sunday morning on the fact that I've opened my heart up for renewal and strength just as what Sundays are for.  My daily walks in the quiet of that heart therapy gives me time to think and find myself.  Just as I must keep my heart tissue as soft as possible and myself as healthy as I can to fight back on the HCM I must soften my thoughts to how thrilled in the heart I'd be to wake up in a new place some mornings by opening myself to explore beyond my comfort zone.

Thus I say unto you... that sounds Sunday morning huh?  Thus I say unto you I will open my heart to new things building on a foundation but not resting it.  I will open my heart to continuing to work on mind, body and soul.  And this Sunday is a good day to start, to continue.

Heart Failure?  No Way!

AN OPEN HEART!  YES.... let's carve that septum. Cranberry sauce?

The Path

I often recall when I was 12 we moved out in the country. It was only about 3 miles from true civilization but it seemed 300 at times. The real difference was we had family living on the same 15 acre plot. (Plot sounds so such a graveyard term so I think it's best to just say it was 15 acres of isolation - ha! Or so I thought.)

Over time we adapted and somehow the next several years we adjusted, had things you'd never have in the city (like horses and a big garden) and as one of my cousins stated last year, "we had the best family support structure that a kid could ask for or imagine". There was a time when I believe not only my family, my paternal grandparents but two aunts and one uncle along with their families lived within walking distance. Maybe we didn't all live there at the same time but I think the years for sure overlapped some.

I often made the path between our house and my Grandmother's house. She was always cooking something and always sharing a meal with us. Her house was warm and there was always someone there. It was like a hub. Relatives stopped by and there were many.

The worn path meandered around a tree stump, a big rock or two, you could tuck under the clothesline or go around. In some places it was wider than others and easy to navigate. It was unlit except by moonlight. I walked it often without even a flashlight and traced my shadow and trajectory to the end point porch lights. It was worn and true. It represented the connection between the houses but oh so much more.

I haven't taken time lately to look at the path and for sure I haven't walked it but the path stands out in my mind and I want to remember everything that it represents.

Today.

And Always - Life is a journey. A path.

 Remember that Southern Mississippi Game...

My Mom used to go to one Alabama football game a year with me.  In 2001 as the summer ended we had planned to go to the Southern Mississippi game on September 15th in Birmingham.   Little did we know that 4 days prior to the game that the entire world would seem to have ended.  Terrorist attacks, deaths, uncertainties and more surrounded us via every news outlet.

All the games for September 15 were postponed.  Then later as the world settled down to a hum instead of a roar the Southern Mississippi game was moved to Thursday November 30.  It was so odd to have a game cancelled back then and it was unimaginable for Alabama to play on a Thursday night.

Football didn't seem all that important yet it was the normalcy that was missed for us as fall meant many trips to Alabama for football and lots of visiting with family that often settled in randomly during the other months of the year.

Alabama was struggling back in 2001.  The Southern Miss game which was won 28-15 by Bama helped Alabama improve to a 6-5 record and qualify for a bowl game that year.  The most memorable thing about the game was the weather - all day long there was hubbub about whether the fame would even be played as a slow moving front moved thru with 30-35 mile per hour wind driven rain.  IT LASTED THE ENTIRE GAME.  

Mom, Brooklyn, Blake and I sat huddled against a inside stadium retaining wall protecting us from the back and basically a tarp over us and more rain gear than I could probably assemble today.  Much of the fame I though we were doing good.  I was pretty dry for the conditions.  We peeked out to watch the game.  It was a miserable experience - something you don't really have at an Alabama game. Miserable. 

We got back to the car.  I mentioned that we'd done pretty good.  Mom, never one to complain about much of anything, especially while we were out doing something said "I'M SOAKED!"  What I didn't know was that she'd caught the brunt of the blowing rain coming in under the tarp.  

Our suffrage was nothing compared to what others were going thru in the fall of 2001.  Lives changed forever so in the end I'm forever grateful for the four of us getting to experience the day together and the game.  It's one we talked about for years and still talk about at times.

I always look at September 2001 as a shock to our lives.  It made us love, long and cherish the average day.  It woke us up from ourselves.  It was horrible but it didn't destroy us.

Alabama will play Southern Miss next Saturday 9/18 in Tuscaloosa.  I hope it's a beautiful day.  We will walk thru metal detectors because the world still hasn't figured out how to love unconditionally.  I'll recall that game 20 years ago but most of all I hope new memories ease the old ones or slip in comfortably next to them and one day we will say "Remember that Southern Miss game when...".

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Written on the 20th anniversary of September 11, 2001 attacks on the US.  In honor of all whose lives were changed forever and in honor of all whose life was lost.

Written with the thought that LIFE IS GOOD.  Find good things.  Learn to love unconditionally. Use today to celebrate life and lives.

Dedicated to Lola McClellan and Judy Mixon whose birthdays are today.  Live big ladies!

Dedicated to Jesse Knighton and the memory of Jack Knighton whose anniversary is today.  Love you!

Reflections of Spring

Reflections of Spring 2016 - yes, 2016 - these popped up in my Facebook feed as "on this day". So much life on Buckhorn hill that day as spring emerged in all it's glory.  I walked around taking quick snapshots from various angles trying to capture life emerging from the ground and reach for the sunshine and warmth while at the same time presenting it's color as a gift of thanks for bringing forth all that comes from experiencing the winter - a season of recluse and resting - while preparing for the summer heat that feels so good but can bring perspiration and wilt

 Ah this season of spring - the perfect time between winter and summer to bloom, grow, and be.

Maple Emerging

It's been a while since I blogged. Just hasn't been something I've longed for like I did a few years ago but I feel like I'm bringing it back.  Like the Japanese Maple in the front yard you see above I feel I'm coming up out of this long winter.  All winters seem long to me and I'm especially thankful that this one has been short on extreme temperatures.  So look for me, I'm emerging again.  Life is budding and there's got to be a renewal in the works.

Listening to Helen Reddy singing brings me a solace like nothing else seems to do:

And when one of us is gone

And one of us is left to carry on

Then remembering will have to do

Our memories alone will get us through

Think about the days of me and you.

So now it's time to carry on to a deeper level... and emerge like a maple.

Mozzarella Stuffed Meatloaf

Since it's been too cold for yard therapy. I had a little kitchen therapy and this was very good.

I sub'd lean ground beef for the turkey.
I sub'd Lipton onion soup mix for minced onion (so I didn’t add any other "salt")
I used fat free grated mozzarella cheese.
I added canned petite diced tomatoes drained
I added black pepper and italian seasoning (just a shake over the top)
I drained the spinach.
My bread crumbs were "italian".

Since I made small meatloaf balls instead of a loaf, I cooked for 45 minutes. I did let stand for 10 minutes.

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Mozzarella Stuffed Turkey Meatloaf
servings 6

1 1/2 lbs. of lean ground turkey
10oz frozen chopped spinach
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 cup part skim mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup minced onions
2 egg whites
2 TBSP ketchup
1 TBSP Worcestershire sauce

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375. Thaw and drain spinach. Mix all ingredients in a large mixing bowl. In a greased loaf pan pack mixture into shape. Bake for 60 minutes, or until top gets golden brown. Let stand 5 to 10 minutes after baking. Cut into 6 even pieces

I'm not facebook... I need more than 250 characters

I've been posting a few random thoughts on Facebook. I enjoy it but I really like the whole blog thing - then again I haven't posted in a year. Go figure.

I love sunshine. I sang along to the radio in the car this morning just because it was sunny out. Most memorable - "Ring my Bell" - Anita Baker. Disco era. Love it.

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I love chili! omg! I made chili last night and I have some for lunch today.

Chili
1 lb lean ground beef, browned
1/2 large onion, diced small
1 green pepper, diced small
1 can of diced tomato, nah make it 2
1 can of tomato sauce
a little cumin
a little black pepper
a little salt if you must
1 pkg French's Chili-O , only one that will do!
Optional: 1 can of Black Beans (drained) or Chili Beans or Kidney Beans (drained)

To browned ground beef, add onion and bell pepper until onion gets a little tender. Then add tomatoes and sauce. Rinse cans with water and pour into pot - this will probably be about 1/2 a can of water and will dilute the chili just a bit. Add more if it's too thick. Let simmer for at least 30 minutes on low. Serve with fritos, or tortilla chips or oyster crackers (!) with a little grated 2% cheese and fat free sour cream. De-lish!

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Over the weekend the little bit of freezing rain we had froze onto the Japanese Maple tree. I think that's part of what makes the buds set and preps that little tree for it's red glory.


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I'm an old soul. I like things the way they used to be but with modern convenience of course. No need to live in the past, drive forward and do your thing. That's the best way to go.

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Checked on a friend yesterday who didn't reply to a text. They were ok and glad I checked in on them. // Called another friend who I had not spoken to in a while just to say HI and let them know I was still around and glad they were too. // Answered an email from a cousin who misses me across the miles and I miss them. // Sent a card to someone who is having a tough week to let them know good warm days are ahead.

Yeah, I'm not facebook. I need more than 250 characters to fit my thoughts into.

Biggest Loser - Week 1 04/14/2009

So it begins.... Biggest Loser 5th floor competition began yesterday 4/13 with weigh-in but I didn't know it was weigh in day so I weighed today. 225 1/2 pounds - probably the most I have ever weighed. I had my cell phone, keys, change, wallet all in my pocket. Shoes on. That will help me get off to a good start and I'm going to set my goal at 25 1/2 lbs for the 12 weeks.

The main thing is to get back to below 200 so when I go back to my general practioner he'll think I'm at least trying but really the main thing is to get some of this weight off and keep it off.

Ultimate goal is 180. One lb. at a time.

I went to the grocery store last night. Kept the carbs low - whole wheat English muffins. No chips, I didn't buy a loaf of bread and no cereal purchased. Slowly but surely I can do this.

Bunch of LOSERS!

In a world that values winners, I want to be a LOSER! I want to be the biggest loser. So today, I joined the Next Biggest Loser Challenge at work. It starts 4/13 and runs for 12 weeks. Weigh in is every Friday and it's based on percent of weight lost.

I read a story today about an Alabama Power employee, Brandon M., who lost 70 pounds by "moving more and eating less". Brandon has a blot www.fithack.com where he details some of his tips and tricks of being a LOSER!

Another blog he pointed out was http://run4change.wordpress.com/ . It looks very promising also.

So I'm gearing up..

STEP 1... No more chips, crackers, fritos, cereals other than whole wheat, bread other than whole wheat ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE. Started that today!

Tonight was a lean beef chili with onion, green peppers. No crackers, no cheese, and no sour cream. It was good especially given it's about 40 degrees on April 6th! So strange!!!

STEP 2... More water. I can't go cold turkey on the Diet Coke and Pepsi so it's going to be a morning 12 oz. and see how it goes from there as a start.

Some of this was FINALLY prompted by seeing too many people I know and closer to my age than comfort allows in the obits lately. I'm not finished yet, I got too much to do to die yet. So as Dolly says (sort of), I got to get to livin'.

It starts tonight... Livin' a Loser Loca! (I know I'm a nut).

Dolly Parton in Dollywood 8/17

Dolly is presenting 3 funraiser concerts for the Imagination Library and I have tickets to the 8/17 show. I cannot wait!

Wings are for birds

BIRD WING - I love birds! I think it is yet another thing that I inherited as my Grandmother Mundy (Mama Sib) loved them so much she had bird houses and a ceramic collection of birds on a shelf in her house. My house is surrounded by lots of "woods" and so the birds just love to flock here and I enjoy looking out my window to see them.

WEST WING - My 20ish year old children love the West Wing. I've seen sporatic episodes and enjoy them as I've seen them. Blake also turned me onto Six Feet Under and I enjoy it the same. The West Wing and it's politics are interesting fodder.

RIGHT WING - UGH! It makes me nausiated to just hear the word. I grew up in church but once the "church" attached itself to the "conservatives" and the "right", I got more and more turned off by the whole thing.

I think wings are for birds and that where they really belong but please enjoy this video which is the perfect storm of West Wing meets Right Wings. I couldn't have said it better. Wings are for birds... Let it go righties!!!

Yard Therapy Interrupted

My blog title of Yard Therapy was born out of my belief that working in the yard and loving it is part of my genetic assemblage and I need it to make me whole. Doing the happy dance while mowing or singing to the hum of the mower just seems natural. For me, I think it's either the vibration of the mower handle or for sure it's looking over the landscape after the mowing is done and seeing how good things look.

The anti-Christ of yard therapy is POISON IVY! And yes, that beast has yet again found itself too close to me. So while I'm suffering from some unknown brush with that 3 leafed monster - please enjoy the two videos below while I (try not to) scratch.

Remember LEAVES OF THREE - LET IT BE!

The first, how it happens - what a nasty green beast:



The second, how it consumes you (kind of sorta) or a way to pass the time waiting for the rash from hades to clear up:

Is that me? Come on, geez - I dance much worse!!!

Traveling Light

I can't believe I haven't written anything since January! Life goes on whether your watching, worrying or just hanging in there....

I've rediscovered a book that the pastor at Sugarloaf UMC did a series of sermons on some time back. Maybe 8-9 years ago, it's been a while. The book is titled "Traveling Light" by writer Max Lucado. If you are familiar with Max Lucado don't let that turn you off. He writes some deeply spiritual, flowery stuff that I just can't follow. This is not like that at all. Funny, how many years I've been been going to church and I still view myself as a spiritual babe who's still teething on the vanilla wafer's of God's kingdom and not as a saintly mature lion ripping the meat off the bone of Spiritualness. It doesn't bother me, I just acknowledge it. Thus, I digress, per usual - back to "Traveling Light".

The book is a line by line breakdown of the 23rd Psalm. You know the one that begins "The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want." It takes each sentence and dissects it into a burden God never intended for us to carry therefore we can lay those things down or take them out of our suitcase and "travel lightly" without them thru this life.

Well, the book has just been awesome to get back into again. And this trip thru, I seem to be picking up things I never noticed before. One particular meaningful chapter to me is "Doubt".

My friends and my children say I like to be in control. I think I've mentioned that before. It's a quite subtle need for control. I do a good job of masking it as concern or involvement. Some call it hovering. Some call it being overbearing. I call it what I do.

Hmmmm....Well.

There's been this cloud of undefined uncertainty that has been hanging over me and in my mind for some time so when I was flipping thru "Traveling Light", I thought gee I wonder if there's a chapter on uncertainty, well "Doubt" was the closest chapter I found to it so I began reading.

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." is the basis of the "Doubt" chapter.

Not "surely uncertainty will follow me" but goodness and mercy.

Certainly goodness and mercy.

Certainty. Not uncertainty.

Goodness and Mercy.

Well, I read it and read it until one morning I said "UNCERTAINTY get out of the backseat of my car! There's no room for you back there because GOODNESS and MERCY are already there! GO AWAY!!!"

It's actually worked. I truly believe it.

I don't have to haul uncertainty around being weighted down by it like carrying an extra 200 pounds around in my car. Every time I get in the car there's goodness and mercy already there. This spiritual babe needed that and hey learning this and applying it might just have put some mane on the teething lion cub.

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of life"....

Of this... I AM CERTAIN! NO DOUBT!

I listen to this song in the car almost every morning. It does me wonders!!! Please consider this post as me whispering into your ear.

January 26, 1983 ... 2008

25 years ago - 1983
Coach Paul Bear Bryant died. I lived in Tuscaloosa where I was a senior at UA, graduated in May and moved to New Orleans in July.
25 years later - 2008
We still talk about Coach Bryant. Blake is living in Tuscaloosa, a senior at UA where he is scheduled to graduate in December. Today, he is in New Orleans for the Pi Kappa Phi Rose Ball.
The irony of life, as always.

Running with Scissors

I woke up really early this morning - like 4am - after falling asleep on the sofa last night. At first I tried to go upstairs and go to bed but it was useless. I could not sleep. So I came downstairs and decided to watch the movie Running with Scissors that I fell asleep on last night - actually, in the first 2 minutes discovered.

I stayed awake.

I thought the movie was interestingly strange and at times it started to make me and some of my deep thoughts seem very normal. I didn't feel as unique or different or unusual as the characters of the movie and in a way that was comforting.

I was getting deeper and deeper into the movie. I could tell.

I loved the part where "Blinded by the Light" played while Annette Henning (Deirdre) was dancing in the "snow" as it was failing from the ceiling.

The movie finally reached it's ultimate communication to me personally when Augusten asked Agnes to make him some Hamburger Helper. He's come full circle from the center of his biological mother's universe when the movie starts to needing another as she's removed herself from his life.

I wonder if that spoke to anyone else?
If you've seen it , did that speak to you at all?
I wonder if there were "profound" moments in the movie for you?

This is the scene. And the Mr. Blue song is great too!


I remember being 12 (or 13) and I was babysitting my cousin Alan. He was 10 years younger than me so that makes him 2 or 3. He was so little and such a sweet little kid. I would baby sit for my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Bruce when they would go out. It would just be Alan and I for a couple of hours and then he'd go to sleep. I don't remember if we watched tv. I think we did. I don't remember what we watched. What I do remember is more often than not Peggy would fix us Hamburger Helper before they left. We never had it at home so it was something different. It seemed so cheap and easy. And as I watched the movie this morning, that vivid memory of Hamburger Helper on a Saturday night when I was 12 came back in a flood letting me know that she loved us and was telling us that before she left. Or so it seems to mean to me.

She entrusted one of the joys of her life to me and I took the responsibility very seriously. I would often try to keep him awake because I was afraid he'd stop breathing if he went to sleep. I would often wake him just to see if he was still breathing. So crazy I know. I can't count the times I just lay beside him to know he was ok in those short few hours on a Saturday night when I was responsible for his life.

Today, I find that I'm struggling often with all the daily responsibilities of life and work and fatherhood. It's like a big huge ferris wheel that I can't get off of right now and one that I can't stop. And isn't it odd that I got folks to go out to dinner with like last night for great Mexican food and I could fix a t-bone steak on the grill tonight or go out to breakfast at Cracker Barrel or lunch at the Varisty for dogs, onion rings and the best diet coke on earth but what would be really good, what would really be just the best thing ever...
is for someone to fix me some Hamburger Helper!

Random Saturday morning thoughts...

I have to be at work, in my Monday - Friday chair at 9:45am for yet another migration/upgrade of an application. This time it's VDIRECT FOR THE INTERNET. It has an alias of MOBIUS (pronounced MO-BE-US). Some call it V D R NETS. I call it Moby One Kunoby. How ever you spell that I don't know. Wasn't he a star wars character? I didn't really care too much for Star Wars. I could dread going in but hey it's good paying work and it keeps me eating and living indoors. You don't even get dirty tho sometimes it can make you sweat.

We are trying to start a new family structured night out for Mexican food at Monterrey. Last night was our first night. I am looking for forward to trying to do that. Our lives are so stretched out with other predictible and those unpredictable things that it will be nice to add something predictable that we can look forward to on a regular basis. (All that to say, we like to eat and be together). Maybe if a month has 5 Fridays we can have "Taco Bar" at home on the 5th one!

Oh Christmas tree... hope to get it put up today. It's time to do it or it could be too late soon. I woke up early this morning and did my usual mix and match of reading (ajc.com, tiderinsider.com, work email, etc). I also stopped off to read a caring bridge blog of an Alabama H.S. kid in a car accident and of course Jarrett Boston's CB blog also. His mom has a way with words and I feel so deeply for her tho I don't know her and she lives about a mile away. She quoted something she read on a tombstone at McKendree UMC. "I miss you everywhere!". Maybe it was one of those little metal plate tabs that you can attach to the stone like Peggy and Bruce Lang have on Alan's. I don't know. But as simple as it is, it's profound. I miss Grandma at Christmas most of all. I try to make it better for others to honor how special she made it for us. I miss Mama Sib's soup (and cornbread) anytime it's cold and I need some "home". I miss you everywhere! Kind of says it all.

The toilet in the downstairs bathroom is dripping into a ziploc bowl. I can hear it as I sit in her at the kitchen table that we call the internet cafe. It's time to do something about that before it overflows unknown and ruins that pine floor in there. (( Don't put pine floors in bathrooms ok! ))

I'm going to the beach more in 2008... I'm making that one of my goals.

I'm going to the gym more in 2008.... It won't take much to beat 2007 but hey.

I'm going to get my passport in 2008... so when I'm ready to cruise I can.

I'm going to fix alot of what broke in 2007... it's time.

Speaking of fixing, the dishwasher has been down since March. I am on the verge of making a move on that. Tuesday I'm going to do something about it... more to come.

I'm happy today. Reflective as always but I am up and moving, I've showered and I'm warm. Lord walk with me today, watch over me, watch over those I love, help me to do right, act right, not yell when a word of encouragement will do, help me to laugh at some of the things that should make me fall down and cry, pick me up if I fall and help me carry on. Please don't let the toilet ruin that floor. And dear Lord, let's get that dishwasher fixed somehow, someway. Keep me sober and sane. Thank you that I have that job I tell you I hate sometimes. Bless the Rodeo. Thank you for being here on mornings when it seems no one else is. Lead and guide, except when I know better. Provide understanding, comfort and love for those that don't seem to have it or find it. Thank you for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Thank you for being everywhere since I can't be and don't need to be. Amen.

Band of Gold - August 18, 1971

It was 1971, I was 11. If memory serves correctly it was August. The 18th for some reason sticks in my mind. Band of Gold by Freda Payne played on the radio at that time. Today it plays on XM – Sunny 24… stirring memories of 36 years ago.

I don’t remember that much about being 11. I do remember my Grandpa Cole’s sawdust flooring at the West Anniston grocery store named McCord’s. He drove a green ’55 Chevrolet station wagon. It was faded, dulled by too much Alabama sunshine. I remember him sitting in the living room prior to going to Birmingham to have open heart surgery. He smoked, and coughed, he was only 58 or so but by today’s standards he looked 80+ and not in the best of health. He was a deer hunter. I recall the pine gun cabinet at his house, some deer antlers with red velvet covering at the base, and some random, colored plastic spent shotgun shells.

He would leave the next day for UAB Hospital and be back within a week or so. We would stay in Oxford and wait.

Hoping soon that you’ll walk right thru that door.

Like an episode of Wonder Years the funeral and days leading up to it play over in my mind. The shock. The fear. The loss. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.

Now that you're gone all that’s left is a bond of gold.
And the memory of what love could be,
If you were still here with me.

I went with my parents to select the casket. Grandma and Grandpa had “burial policies”. I think it paid $300 toward the cost. Not nearly enough and it might have been less. My numbers could be wrong but I’m relaying thoughts that are 36 years deep.

Filled with sadness, filled with gloom

There was a blue casket that cost more than a gray one. No other noticeable difference other than the cost. I wanted us to pick the blue one. My mom took me aside and said “I think Grandpa would much rather Grandma have that money for things she’s going to need.” They found two $100 bills folded in quarters in his wallet.

Don't you know that I wait
In the darkness of my lonely room


I remember going to the funeral home. Miller’s. I was scared and having to be pryed from my hold on the door facing heading from the hall to the parlor where the gray casket now lay.

All that's left of the dreams I hold
Is a band of gold


The funeral procession. White hearse. Edgemont Cemetary. A blur of relatives and friends.

And the dream of what love could be
If you were still here with me

To this day… I really do think Freda Payne’s Band of Gold played on the radio in the car as we drove behind the gray casket carrying hearse.

Letting it all hang out...

I didn't grow up passionate about Alabama football. I was "raised" an Auburn fan.

I went to my first Alabama game in 1979 when I transferred to UA from UAB. I arrived at the game hoping Alabama would lose (to Baylor). But by halftime, I was an Alabama fan and I can never see myself as an Auburn fan now. It took me over.

It was the best of times... Bear Bryant was there, Bama was ranked and won the national championship that year and I was a student. What more could you ask!!?!

Over the years, Alabama footaball has been where I let it all hang out. On Saturday, Alabama played LSU to the best of it's abilty and almost won. It was about as exciting as any game I've ever been to. It might even rank up there with that 1979 loss to Notre Dame 7-0. We had so many chances to win, to score, yet me never did. The students stood and screamed for almost 3 1/2 hours.

Over the years, Alabama football is where I let it all hang out. I yell, I scream, I dance in my seat, I jump and celebrate with my seat mates who some I only see in
Sec N, Row 49 on any given fall Saturday.

It's my outlet, my let it all hang out. One of my purposes in life for sure. There's nothing like it. For 3 1/2 hours, nothing else on earth matters and from Sweet Home Alabama to Basketcase to Rammer Jammer... we are the Crimson Tide!

Yeah Alabama, Crimson Tide!... Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, Giv'em Hell Alabama!!!!

... how do you let it all hang out?

Creating a Life

I'm at an age when I read the obituaries (and the Letters to the Editor) section of the Anniston Star online almost every morning. I haven't lived in Oxford, Alabama since 1985 but I still know more people there than anywhere I have lived.

Today I saw that William Herron had passed away. Cyndi Herron was a very good friend of mine in high school. We were in the band together, we sat together at break time under the flagpole and ate cake together. Usually one of those cakes that you baked right in the box that it came in. Betty Crocker had just come out with that new fangled idea about that time.

We were FAMILY. We were "THE FAMILY!". No one understood that but us. And no one probably cares to this day.

THE FAMILY has kind of fallen to the by way over the past 29 years since the class of '78 and '79 GRACED the flagpole. I randomly email with Denise Beck (Burford now). I've lost track of some of the other folks - tho Cyndi and Keith live over here in Atlanta - which means we could (and do) live about 70 miles apart. We are more likely to run into one another at WalMart in Oxford than at a high school football game for one of our children over here.

I feel for Cyndi and Bernie (her mom) and their family tonight. I remember Tubby (her dad). He was different, from somewhere up north and he worked for the FAA. That was always intriging to me. Most of all I know she loved them both dearly.

And I'm yet again reminded, that the time for creating a life is now. What are you doing today to make your life, your families life meaningful and special? What will you be remembered for? Oh sure, I have years and years of life left in me. At least I should, we never know. But everyday must be made special. Everyday I and we together must create LIFE!

No matter how our days are numbered, family and the life we create are really what's important. We can't just let 29 more years pass and have someone read about me or you in the Lawrenceville Daily News one sunny morning. We must be about the business of life and investing in one another and in ourselves.

Embrace your FAMILY tonight and in the days coming. Invest in you and those you love and hold dear. It's never too soon to start or keep going or to do more. It's all part of creating your life. Eat together, laugh together, hold one another up, and let those times together be the basis of your life. Create a life - yours!

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In memory of William (Tubby) Herron - 3 generations to carry on in the life he created with and for them.

In memory and honor of those who have created and shaped my life so far. I am amazed by you all and always mindful of where we've been and where you've directed.

In dedication to those who I am so fortunate to share this life. You are my world and my notepad!

LIFE IS GOOD! ;-) - forever my favorite tshirt of all time.

Keeping it in perspective

Last night the movie Crash was on television. I was kind of in and out of the room but had seen it before. It's a very intense movie with random peoples lives crossing and intertwining in even more random ways but it puts alot of thoughts and feelings into perspective and makes you reflect on yourself, your feelings, and the way you react to things.

No doubt 2007 will go down as the year when more things "broke" or "failed" or "quit working" or "wore out". It's been almost amazing - the dishwasher, the refrigerator, the siding on the west end of the house that's still rotting away, the Rodeo's leaky tire and later it's transmission, the Camry's brakes, the ratty old Honda's who knows what check engine light that hasn't even been investigated yet, the shower pan in the #2 bathrooom... it goes on but those are the ones that come to mind. It's been the year alot of things went crazy.

But in perspective, it's not been negative in many other ways. For the most part it's been pretty good so far.

So I put it in perspective. I went ahead and bought "Water for Elephants" at Target since 51 people are on the waiting list at the library. I went ahead and took my dragging rear to the gym tonight to walk the elliptical for the first time in way too long. I bought some Ball Park franks and some healthy wheat buns to go with them. Fat free Pringles to boot.

I am forever examining life. I think it's one of my things. So today was a day of putting things in perspective. I'm not going to crash into anyone or allow life to come crashing down, I'm going to be respectful of others and when I see them I'm going to realize that I might have no idea what they are dealing with today. Come what may, I'm going to endure. And thrive. It's all in your perspective!

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-- I barely got started on "Water for Elephants" - more to come. Book Club meeting in early November on that one.

-- The yard looks like someone lives here today. Rain in the forecast could provide much needed water for some greening and will probably bring down 10,000 pine needles - oh well!

-- 30 minutes on the elliptical for the first time in way too long. Was much more painful since I was out of practice and I weighed 11 pounds more than a recent low I had a couple of months ago. Mmmmmm, gonna have to deal with that!

-- No crashing, put it all in perspective, control what you can, let the rest of it go. Examining life is what I do. Cope.

--- I've decided to blog more (again, yes, I know I said this before) but I've decided to blog more and to not just wait on "profound" thoughts and moments because honestly, it's all profound!