Life never ceases to amaze me.
Today everything was out of my control and I've learned that I really like to be in control. It's a quiet, silent, almost invisible kind of control. You might not even know that I need to have it but I've learned that I do.
I couldn't control anything. I wanted to be off work today but I was too busy to take the day off and risk being behind and swamped the rest of the week. So I trudged to work on the 6:40am bus to avoid having to stay late tonight and to keep from enduring the 2 1/2 hour trip home like I had yesterday.
Yesterday... no control! 5:40pm bus never showed up, on the phone with dispatch to complain for about 20 minutes when two buses. TWO! Show up at 6:10pm. Me having had 30 precious evening minutes wasted. No control! Traffic was horrible, a tanker stalled along the HOV wall on I-85. Traffic backup went forever. It was literally 2 1/2 hours from the time I left my desk and arrived home. No control! Just sitting and fuming and foaming.
Car repairs have been the angst of the past month. Nothing I can do about it, we have to have our cars. No control over what has happened and you know I think I have handled it all as a necessary evil and I'm making it thru. Makes me wonder if I'm falling back on one of those really good coping skills I have - remember I either (1) Sleep thru it or I (2) Pretend it's not happening.
No control but I'm coping... uh huh.
So my resolve for today. I'll leave work at 4pm and control something that I can. My yard. I came home, I mowed with the bagger on and sucked up a ton of pine straw. It looks slightly groomed now. I blew down the driveway and sidewalk despite darkness settling in before I was quite ready for it. I had to stop right in the middle of mowing to go get gas for the mower. I really hate doing that and try not to let that happen but it did.
Again, no control over pine straw falling in the yard, or needing gas or the sun setting but by golly I mastered the yard and hey I can even walk down the sidewalk to my car in the morning without risk of falling over a pinecone in the morning darkness. Or worse yet, barefoot as I walk out there sometime and just a sticker or something nearly takes me to my knees.
I have good resolve tonight. I got me some real honest to goodness yard therapy and when the sun rises tomorrow on yet another out of control day that I'll need to tame, I'll see just how good it all looks!
As for everything else I need to control, handle and deal with? Yep, I got it under control - I'm going to bed!
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Much love to those who check in on me and share your days with me, together we can do anything! ANYTHING!
And to those who need someone to listen and share, I'm here for you too.
1 comment:
Hey e2. I knew you'd come through. The control issue has great meaning for me. Things have been spiraling out of control on this end for quite some time. Know what I mean? At times like this, I wish we lived down the block from each other instead of halfway across the country. I need some of that good therapy you can provide just by being here. Love you, kid. Deb
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