I have to be at work, in my Monday - Friday chair at 9:45am for yet another migration/upgrade of an application. This time it's VDIRECT FOR THE INTERNET. It has an alias of MOBIUS (pronounced MO-BE-US). Some call it V D R NETS. I call it Moby One Kunoby. How ever you spell that I don't know. Wasn't he a star wars character? I didn't really care too much for Star Wars. I could dread going in but hey it's good paying work and it keeps me eating and living indoors. You don't even get dirty tho sometimes it can make you sweat.
We are trying to start a new family structured night out for Mexican food at Monterrey. Last night was our first night. I am looking for forward to trying to do that. Our lives are so stretched out with other predictible and those unpredictable things that it will be nice to add something predictable that we can look forward to on a regular basis. (All that to say, we like to eat and be together). Maybe if a month has 5 Fridays we can have "Taco Bar" at home on the 5th one!
Oh Christmas tree... hope to get it put up today. It's time to do it or it could be too late soon. I woke up early this morning and did my usual mix and match of reading (ajc.com, tiderinsider.com, work email, etc). I also stopped off to read a caring bridge blog of an Alabama H.S. kid in a car accident and of course Jarrett Boston's CB blog also. His mom has a way with words and I feel so deeply for her tho I don't know her and she lives about a mile away. She quoted something she read on a tombstone at McKendree UMC. "I miss you everywhere!". Maybe it was one of those little metal plate tabs that you can attach to the stone like Peggy and Bruce Lang have on Alan's. I don't know. But as simple as it is, it's profound. I miss Grandma at Christmas most of all. I try to make it better for others to honor how special she made it for us. I miss Mama Sib's soup (and cornbread) anytime it's cold and I need some "home". I miss you everywhere! Kind of says it all.
The toilet in the downstairs bathroom is dripping into a ziploc bowl. I can hear it as I sit in her at the kitchen table that we call the internet cafe. It's time to do something about that before it overflows unknown and ruins that pine floor in there. (( Don't put pine floors in bathrooms ok! ))
I'm going to the beach more in 2008... I'm making that one of my goals.
I'm going to the gym more in 2008.... It won't take much to beat 2007 but hey.
I'm going to get my passport in 2008... so when I'm ready to cruise I can.
I'm going to fix alot of what broke in 2007... it's time.
Speaking of fixing, the dishwasher has been down since March. I am on the verge of making a move on that. Tuesday I'm going to do something about it... more to come.
I'm happy today. Reflective as always but I am up and moving, I've showered and I'm warm. Lord walk with me today, watch over me, watch over those I love, help me to do right, act right, not yell when a word of encouragement will do, help me to laugh at some of the things that should make me fall down and cry, pick me up if I fall and help me carry on. Please don't let the toilet ruin that floor. And dear Lord, let's get that dishwasher fixed somehow, someway. Keep me sober and sane. Thank you that I have that job I tell you I hate sometimes. Bless the Rodeo. Thank you for being here on mornings when it seems no one else is. Lead and guide, except when I know better. Provide understanding, comfort and love for those that don't seem to have it or find it. Thank you for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Thank you for being everywhere since I can't be and don't need to be. Amen.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Band of Gold - August 18, 1971
It was 1971, I was 11. If memory serves correctly it was August. The 18th for some reason sticks in my mind. Band of Gold by Freda Payne played on the radio at that time. Today it plays on XM – Sunny 24… stirring memories of 36 years ago.
I don’t remember that much about being 11. I do remember my Grandpa Cole’s sawdust flooring at the West Anniston grocery store named McCord’s. He drove a green ’55 Chevrolet station wagon. It was faded, dulled by too much Alabama sunshine. I remember him sitting in the living room prior to going to Birmingham to have open heart surgery. He smoked, and coughed, he was only 58 or so but by today’s standards he looked 80+ and not in the best of health. He was a deer hunter. I recall the pine gun cabinet at his house, some deer antlers with red velvet covering at the base, and some random, colored plastic spent shotgun shells.
He would leave the next day for UAB Hospital and be back within a week or so. We would stay in Oxford and wait.
Hoping soon that you’ll walk right thru that door.
Like an episode of Wonder Years the funeral and days leading up to it play over in my mind. The shock. The fear. The loss. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.
Now that you're gone all that’s left is a bond of gold.
And the memory of what love could be,
If you were still here with me.
I went with my parents to select the casket. Grandma and Grandpa had “burial policies”. I think it paid $300 toward the cost. Not nearly enough and it might have been less. My numbers could be wrong but I’m relaying thoughts that are 36 years deep.
Filled with sadness, filled with gloom
There was a blue casket that cost more than a gray one. No other noticeable difference other than the cost. I wanted us to pick the blue one. My mom took me aside and said “I think Grandpa would much rather Grandma have that money for things she’s going to need.” They found two $100 bills folded in quarters in his wallet.
Don't you know that I wait
In the darkness of my lonely room
I remember going to the funeral home. Miller’s. I was scared and having to be pryed from my hold on the door facing heading from the hall to the parlor where the gray casket now lay.
All that's left of the dreams I hold
Is a band of gold
The funeral procession. White hearse. Edgemont Cemetary. A blur of relatives and friends.
And the dream of what love could be
If you were still here with me
To this day… I really do think Freda Payne’s Band of Gold played on the radio in the car as we drove behind the gray casket carrying hearse.
I don’t remember that much about being 11. I do remember my Grandpa Cole’s sawdust flooring at the West Anniston grocery store named McCord’s. He drove a green ’55 Chevrolet station wagon. It was faded, dulled by too much Alabama sunshine. I remember him sitting in the living room prior to going to Birmingham to have open heart surgery. He smoked, and coughed, he was only 58 or so but by today’s standards he looked 80+ and not in the best of health. He was a deer hunter. I recall the pine gun cabinet at his house, some deer antlers with red velvet covering at the base, and some random, colored plastic spent shotgun shells.
He would leave the next day for UAB Hospital and be back within a week or so. We would stay in Oxford and wait.
Hoping soon that you’ll walk right thru that door.
Like an episode of Wonder Years the funeral and days leading up to it play over in my mind. The shock. The fear. The loss. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.
Now that you're gone all that’s left is a bond of gold.
And the memory of what love could be,
If you were still here with me.
I went with my parents to select the casket. Grandma and Grandpa had “burial policies”. I think it paid $300 toward the cost. Not nearly enough and it might have been less. My numbers could be wrong but I’m relaying thoughts that are 36 years deep.
Filled with sadness, filled with gloom
There was a blue casket that cost more than a gray one. No other noticeable difference other than the cost. I wanted us to pick the blue one. My mom took me aside and said “I think Grandpa would much rather Grandma have that money for things she’s going to need.” They found two $100 bills folded in quarters in his wallet.
Don't you know that I wait
In the darkness of my lonely room
I remember going to the funeral home. Miller’s. I was scared and having to be pryed from my hold on the door facing heading from the hall to the parlor where the gray casket now lay.
All that's left of the dreams I hold
Is a band of gold
The funeral procession. White hearse. Edgemont Cemetary. A blur of relatives and friends.
And the dream of what love could be
If you were still here with me
To this day… I really do think Freda Payne’s Band of Gold played on the radio in the car as we drove behind the gray casket carrying hearse.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Letting it all hang out...
I didn't grow up passionate about Alabama football. I was "raised" an Auburn fan.
I went to my first Alabama game in 1979 when I transferred to UA from UAB. I arrived at the game hoping Alabama would lose (to Baylor). But by halftime, I was an Alabama fan and I can never see myself as an Auburn fan now. It took me over.
It was the best of times... Bear Bryant was there, Bama was ranked and won the national championship that year and I was a student. What more could you ask!!?!
Over the years, Alabama footaball has been where I let it all hang out. On Saturday, Alabama played LSU to the best of it's abilty and almost won. It was about as exciting as any game I've ever been to. It might even rank up there with that 1979 loss to Notre Dame 7-0. We had so many chances to win, to score, yet me never did. The students stood and screamed for almost 3 1/2 hours.
Over the years, Alabama football is where I let it all hang out. I yell, I scream, I dance in my seat, I jump and celebrate with my seat mates who some I only see in
Sec N, Row 49 on any given fall Saturday.
It's my outlet, my let it all hang out. One of my purposes in life for sure. There's nothing like it. For 3 1/2 hours, nothing else on earth matters and from Sweet Home Alabama to Basketcase to Rammer Jammer... we are the Crimson Tide!
Yeah Alabama, Crimson Tide!... Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, Giv'em Hell Alabama!!!!
... how do you let it all hang out?
I went to my first Alabama game in 1979 when I transferred to UA from UAB. I arrived at the game hoping Alabama would lose (to Baylor). But by halftime, I was an Alabama fan and I can never see myself as an Auburn fan now. It took me over.
It was the best of times... Bear Bryant was there, Bama was ranked and won the national championship that year and I was a student. What more could you ask!!?!
Over the years, Alabama footaball has been where I let it all hang out. On Saturday, Alabama played LSU to the best of it's abilty and almost won. It was about as exciting as any game I've ever been to. It might even rank up there with that 1979 loss to Notre Dame 7-0. We had so many chances to win, to score, yet me never did. The students stood and screamed for almost 3 1/2 hours.
Over the years, Alabama football is where I let it all hang out. I yell, I scream, I dance in my seat, I jump and celebrate with my seat mates who some I only see in
Sec N, Row 49 on any given fall Saturday.
It's my outlet, my let it all hang out. One of my purposes in life for sure. There's nothing like it. For 3 1/2 hours, nothing else on earth matters and from Sweet Home Alabama to Basketcase to Rammer Jammer... we are the Crimson Tide!
Yeah Alabama, Crimson Tide!... Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, Giv'em Hell Alabama!!!!
... how do you let it all hang out?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Creating a Life
I'm at an age when I read the obituaries (and the Letters to the Editor) section of the Anniston Star online almost every morning. I haven't lived in Oxford, Alabama since 1985 but I still know more people there than anywhere I have lived.
Today I saw that William Herron had passed away. Cyndi Herron was a very good friend of mine in high school. We were in the band together, we sat together at break time under the flagpole and ate cake together. Usually one of those cakes that you baked right in the box that it came in. Betty Crocker had just come out with that new fangled idea about that time.
We were FAMILY. We were "THE FAMILY!". No one understood that but us. And no one probably cares to this day.
THE FAMILY has kind of fallen to the by way over the past 29 years since the class of '78 and '79 GRACED the flagpole. I randomly email with Denise Beck (Burford now). I've lost track of some of the other folks - tho Cyndi and Keith live over here in Atlanta - which means we could (and do) live about 70 miles apart. We are more likely to run into one another at WalMart in Oxford than at a high school football game for one of our children over here.
I feel for Cyndi and Bernie (her mom) and their family tonight. I remember Tubby (her dad). He was different, from somewhere up north and he worked for the FAA. That was always intriging to me. Most of all I know she loved them both dearly.
And I'm yet again reminded, that the time for creating a life is now. What are you doing today to make your life, your families life meaningful and special? What will you be remembered for? Oh sure, I have years and years of life left in me. At least I should, we never know. But everyday must be made special. Everyday I and we together must create LIFE!
No matter how our days are numbered, family and the life we create are really what's important. We can't just let 29 more years pass and have someone read about me or you in the Lawrenceville Daily News one sunny morning. We must be about the business of life and investing in one another and in ourselves.
Embrace your FAMILY tonight and in the days coming. Invest in you and those you love and hold dear. It's never too soon to start or keep going or to do more. It's all part of creating your life. Eat together, laugh together, hold one another up, and let those times together be the basis of your life. Create a life - yours!
------------------------------
In memory of William (Tubby) Herron - 3 generations to carry on in the life he created with and for them.
In memory and honor of those who have created and shaped my life so far. I am amazed by you all and always mindful of where we've been and where you've directed.
In dedication to those who I am so fortunate to share this life. You are my world and my notepad!
LIFE IS GOOD! ;-) - forever my favorite tshirt of all time.
Today I saw that William Herron had passed away. Cyndi Herron was a very good friend of mine in high school. We were in the band together, we sat together at break time under the flagpole and ate cake together. Usually one of those cakes that you baked right in the box that it came in. Betty Crocker had just come out with that new fangled idea about that time.
We were FAMILY. We were "THE FAMILY!". No one understood that but us. And no one probably cares to this day.
THE FAMILY has kind of fallen to the by way over the past 29 years since the class of '78 and '79 GRACED the flagpole. I randomly email with Denise Beck (Burford now). I've lost track of some of the other folks - tho Cyndi and Keith live over here in Atlanta - which means we could (and do) live about 70 miles apart. We are more likely to run into one another at WalMart in Oxford than at a high school football game for one of our children over here.
I feel for Cyndi and Bernie (her mom) and their family tonight. I remember Tubby (her dad). He was different, from somewhere up north and he worked for the FAA. That was always intriging to me. Most of all I know she loved them both dearly.
And I'm yet again reminded, that the time for creating a life is now. What are you doing today to make your life, your families life meaningful and special? What will you be remembered for? Oh sure, I have years and years of life left in me. At least I should, we never know. But everyday must be made special. Everyday I and we together must create LIFE!
No matter how our days are numbered, family and the life we create are really what's important. We can't just let 29 more years pass and have someone read about me or you in the Lawrenceville Daily News one sunny morning. We must be about the business of life and investing in one another and in ourselves.
Embrace your FAMILY tonight and in the days coming. Invest in you and those you love and hold dear. It's never too soon to start or keep going or to do more. It's all part of creating your life. Eat together, laugh together, hold one another up, and let those times together be the basis of your life. Create a life - yours!
------------------------------
In memory of William (Tubby) Herron - 3 generations to carry on in the life he created with and for them.
In memory and honor of those who have created and shaped my life so far. I am amazed by you all and always mindful of where we've been and where you've directed.
In dedication to those who I am so fortunate to share this life. You are my world and my notepad!
LIFE IS GOOD! ;-) - forever my favorite tshirt of all time.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Keeping it in perspective
Last night the movie Crash was on television. I was kind of in and out of the room but had seen it before. It's a very intense movie with random peoples lives crossing and intertwining in even more random ways but it puts alot of thoughts and feelings into perspective and makes you reflect on yourself, your feelings, and the way you react to things.
No doubt 2007 will go down as the year when more things "broke" or "failed" or "quit working" or "wore out". It's been almost amazing - the dishwasher, the refrigerator, the siding on the west end of the house that's still rotting away, the Rodeo's leaky tire and later it's transmission, the Camry's brakes, the ratty old Honda's who knows what check engine light that hasn't even been investigated yet, the shower pan in the #2 bathrooom... it goes on but those are the ones that come to mind. It's been the year alot of things went crazy.
But in perspective, it's not been negative in many other ways. For the most part it's been pretty good so far.
So I put it in perspective. I went ahead and bought "Water for Elephants" at Target since 51 people are on the waiting list at the library. I went ahead and took my dragging rear to the gym tonight to walk the elliptical for the first time in way too long. I bought some Ball Park franks and some healthy wheat buns to go with them. Fat free Pringles to boot.
I am forever examining life. I think it's one of my things. So today was a day of putting things in perspective. I'm not going to crash into anyone or allow life to come crashing down, I'm going to be respectful of others and when I see them I'm going to realize that I might have no idea what they are dealing with today. Come what may, I'm going to endure. And thrive. It's all in your perspective!
------------------------------------------------------------
-- I barely got started on "Water for Elephants" - more to come. Book Club meeting in early November on that one.
-- The yard looks like someone lives here today. Rain in the forecast could provide much needed water for some greening and will probably bring down 10,000 pine needles - oh well!
-- 30 minutes on the elliptical for the first time in way too long. Was much more painful since I was out of practice and I weighed 11 pounds more than a recent low I had a couple of months ago. Mmmmmm, gonna have to deal with that!
-- No crashing, put it all in perspective, control what you can, let the rest of it go. Examining life is what I do. Cope.
--- I've decided to blog more (again, yes, I know I said this before) but I've decided to blog more and to not just wait on "profound" thoughts and moments because honestly, it's all profound!
No doubt 2007 will go down as the year when more things "broke" or "failed" or "quit working" or "wore out". It's been almost amazing - the dishwasher, the refrigerator, the siding on the west end of the house that's still rotting away, the Rodeo's leaky tire and later it's transmission, the Camry's brakes, the ratty old Honda's who knows what check engine light that hasn't even been investigated yet, the shower pan in the #2 bathrooom... it goes on but those are the ones that come to mind. It's been the year alot of things went crazy.
But in perspective, it's not been negative in many other ways. For the most part it's been pretty good so far.
So I put it in perspective. I went ahead and bought "Water for Elephants" at Target since 51 people are on the waiting list at the library. I went ahead and took my dragging rear to the gym tonight to walk the elliptical for the first time in way too long. I bought some Ball Park franks and some healthy wheat buns to go with them. Fat free Pringles to boot.
I am forever examining life. I think it's one of my things. So today was a day of putting things in perspective. I'm not going to crash into anyone or allow life to come crashing down, I'm going to be respectful of others and when I see them I'm going to realize that I might have no idea what they are dealing with today. Come what may, I'm going to endure. And thrive. It's all in your perspective!
------------------------------------------------------------
-- I barely got started on "Water for Elephants" - more to come. Book Club meeting in early November on that one.
-- The yard looks like someone lives here today. Rain in the forecast could provide much needed water for some greening and will probably bring down 10,000 pine needles - oh well!
-- 30 minutes on the elliptical for the first time in way too long. Was much more painful since I was out of practice and I weighed 11 pounds more than a recent low I had a couple of months ago. Mmmmmm, gonna have to deal with that!
-- No crashing, put it all in perspective, control what you can, let the rest of it go. Examining life is what I do. Cope.
--- I've decided to blog more (again, yes, I know I said this before) but I've decided to blog more and to not just wait on "profound" thoughts and moments because honestly, it's all profound!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Controlling What I Can
Life never ceases to amaze me.
Today everything was out of my control and I've learned that I really like to be in control. It's a quiet, silent, almost invisible kind of control. You might not even know that I need to have it but I've learned that I do.
I couldn't control anything. I wanted to be off work today but I was too busy to take the day off and risk being behind and swamped the rest of the week. So I trudged to work on the 6:40am bus to avoid having to stay late tonight and to keep from enduring the 2 1/2 hour trip home like I had yesterday.
Yesterday... no control! 5:40pm bus never showed up, on the phone with dispatch to complain for about 20 minutes when two buses. TWO! Show up at 6:10pm. Me having had 30 precious evening minutes wasted. No control! Traffic was horrible, a tanker stalled along the HOV wall on I-85. Traffic backup went forever. It was literally 2 1/2 hours from the time I left my desk and arrived home. No control! Just sitting and fuming and foaming.
Car repairs have been the angst of the past month. Nothing I can do about it, we have to have our cars. No control over what has happened and you know I think I have handled it all as a necessary evil and I'm making it thru. Makes me wonder if I'm falling back on one of those really good coping skills I have - remember I either (1) Sleep thru it or I (2) Pretend it's not happening.
No control but I'm coping... uh huh.
So my resolve for today. I'll leave work at 4pm and control something that I can. My yard. I came home, I mowed with the bagger on and sucked up a ton of pine straw. It looks slightly groomed now. I blew down the driveway and sidewalk despite darkness settling in before I was quite ready for it. I had to stop right in the middle of mowing to go get gas for the mower. I really hate doing that and try not to let that happen but it did.
Again, no control over pine straw falling in the yard, or needing gas or the sun setting but by golly I mastered the yard and hey I can even walk down the sidewalk to my car in the morning without risk of falling over a pinecone in the morning darkness. Or worse yet, barefoot as I walk out there sometime and just a sticker or something nearly takes me to my knees.
I have good resolve tonight. I got me some real honest to goodness yard therapy and when the sun rises tomorrow on yet another out of control day that I'll need to tame, I'll see just how good it all looks!
As for everything else I need to control, handle and deal with? Yep, I got it under control - I'm going to bed!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Much love to those who check in on me and share your days with me, together we can do anything! ANYTHING!
And to those who need someone to listen and share, I'm here for you too.
Today everything was out of my control and I've learned that I really like to be in control. It's a quiet, silent, almost invisible kind of control. You might not even know that I need to have it but I've learned that I do.
I couldn't control anything. I wanted to be off work today but I was too busy to take the day off and risk being behind and swamped the rest of the week. So I trudged to work on the 6:40am bus to avoid having to stay late tonight and to keep from enduring the 2 1/2 hour trip home like I had yesterday.
Yesterday... no control! 5:40pm bus never showed up, on the phone with dispatch to complain for about 20 minutes when two buses. TWO! Show up at 6:10pm. Me having had 30 precious evening minutes wasted. No control! Traffic was horrible, a tanker stalled along the HOV wall on I-85. Traffic backup went forever. It was literally 2 1/2 hours from the time I left my desk and arrived home. No control! Just sitting and fuming and foaming.
Car repairs have been the angst of the past month. Nothing I can do about it, we have to have our cars. No control over what has happened and you know I think I have handled it all as a necessary evil and I'm making it thru. Makes me wonder if I'm falling back on one of those really good coping skills I have - remember I either (1) Sleep thru it or I (2) Pretend it's not happening.
No control but I'm coping... uh huh.
So my resolve for today. I'll leave work at 4pm and control something that I can. My yard. I came home, I mowed with the bagger on and sucked up a ton of pine straw. It looks slightly groomed now. I blew down the driveway and sidewalk despite darkness settling in before I was quite ready for it. I had to stop right in the middle of mowing to go get gas for the mower. I really hate doing that and try not to let that happen but it did.
Again, no control over pine straw falling in the yard, or needing gas or the sun setting but by golly I mastered the yard and hey I can even walk down the sidewalk to my car in the morning without risk of falling over a pinecone in the morning darkness. Or worse yet, barefoot as I walk out there sometime and just a sticker or something nearly takes me to my knees.
I have good resolve tonight. I got me some real honest to goodness yard therapy and when the sun rises tomorrow on yet another out of control day that I'll need to tame, I'll see just how good it all looks!
As for everything else I need to control, handle and deal with? Yep, I got it under control - I'm going to bed!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Much love to those who check in on me and share your days with me, together we can do anything! ANYTHING!
And to those who need someone to listen and share, I'm here for you too.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Adapting to the (un)expected
An uneventful workday. Not too stressful, not too boring either. That seems to be how it goes sometimes. Last week we tested our disaster recovery plan. It went fairly well but could have gone better I'm sure. We'll discuss it sometime this week. It was supposed to be today but the eventful, stressful, anything but boring day landed in some other folks cubicles today and they were fighting a performance and capacity nightmare all day. We'll get to it I'm sure. Get to the discussion of how to make D.R. better, I mean.
I anticipated the end of the workday. I want to get home. Cook. Take the daily walk that seems more like monthly. Pick up the pine cones in the yard so there aren't 247 of them by the time I mow next. Well, at least I'm on my way. I have one of the front row seats on the 5:25pm route 412 bus today. (Yes, the one on the left side so my view is NOT of what the driver sees. Remember, that way I don't have to "help him drive". Cardio! ;-)
Today I'm thinking about being adaptable. Flexible. Able to change course with ease. I don't do these things well. Heck, I don't even like the unexpected to show up on radar. I'm oncall this week. 24 x 7 from now til next Monday, May 7th at 8:00am - but whose watching the clock!!!
I decided to forgo the shorter ride home on the 103 for the sure seat on the 412. I saw a couple of my coworkers at the 103 stop. Who knows when a bus will come by with open seats for them. I went for the sure thing. Here it is 5:57 now and I left my desk at 5:15. 42 minutes elapsed already. All very predictable so far.
I feel like I've got to work on the adaptable, flexibility thing. I've got to be more spur of the moment on things and able to accept the unexpected because you know more and more the unexpected has become to be expected. Thinking of it that way I should be able to at least work on it. Opportunity knocks unexpectedly seemingly every day. As we stream up I-85 here. I see we've passed Shallowford Rd and now approaching the I-285 interchange. The driver will sling us all around in about 30 seconds as he slows for the always jammed traffic along here. (No I'm not looking! Or helping him right now!) Oh, here we go. I feel the brakes. Right on time. So why am I trying to suppress thoughts of "UGH! TRAFFIC!!!!" It's here every day about this time.
When I'm oncall I used to lay in the recliner (there finally the slinging around part). I used to lay in the recliner and dread/anticipate being called for whatever might have gone wrong on the computer system. Calls were fairly common and I was pretty new to solving the problems. It made me want to utilize one of my better coping skills for almost a solid week. Sleeping. It's one of my top two coping skills -- sleeping and pretending whatever is not happening. I finally got better at the problem solving but I still often sleep more during these oncall weeks than I normally do.
I'm writing this thought today because I want to make a mental note to myself that I've got to accept that unexpected things are going to happen. I've got to be flexible enough to face them head on and adapt to the ever changing EVERYTHING around me. I think it really is time to wake up, acknowledge and use the things that happen by and upon me to learn from them and to gain from them. No, I don't think it's going to be easy but isn't recognizing an issue the first part of solving it.
I guess I better stop here and help this driver get me home to my pine cones.
I anticipated the end of the workday. I want to get home. Cook. Take the daily walk that seems more like monthly. Pick up the pine cones in the yard so there aren't 247 of them by the time I mow next. Well, at least I'm on my way. I have one of the front row seats on the 5:25pm route 412 bus today. (Yes, the one on the left side so my view is NOT of what the driver sees. Remember, that way I don't have to "help him drive". Cardio! ;-)
Today I'm thinking about being adaptable. Flexible. Able to change course with ease. I don't do these things well. Heck, I don't even like the unexpected to show up on radar. I'm oncall this week. 24 x 7 from now til next Monday, May 7th at 8:00am - but whose watching the clock!!!
I decided to forgo the shorter ride home on the 103 for the sure seat on the 412. I saw a couple of my coworkers at the 103 stop. Who knows when a bus will come by with open seats for them. I went for the sure thing. Here it is 5:57 now and I left my desk at 5:15. 42 minutes elapsed already. All very predictable so far.
I feel like I've got to work on the adaptable, flexibility thing. I've got to be more spur of the moment on things and able to accept the unexpected because you know more and more the unexpected has become to be expected. Thinking of it that way I should be able to at least work on it. Opportunity knocks unexpectedly seemingly every day. As we stream up I-85 here. I see we've passed Shallowford Rd and now approaching the I-285 interchange. The driver will sling us all around in about 30 seconds as he slows for the always jammed traffic along here. (No I'm not looking! Or helping him right now!) Oh, here we go. I feel the brakes. Right on time. So why am I trying to suppress thoughts of "UGH! TRAFFIC!!!!" It's here every day about this time.
When I'm oncall I used to lay in the recliner (there finally the slinging around part). I used to lay in the recliner and dread/anticipate being called for whatever might have gone wrong on the computer system. Calls were fairly common and I was pretty new to solving the problems. It made me want to utilize one of my better coping skills for almost a solid week. Sleeping. It's one of my top two coping skills -- sleeping and pretending whatever is not happening. I finally got better at the problem solving but I still often sleep more during these oncall weeks than I normally do.
I'm writing this thought today because I want to make a mental note to myself that I've got to accept that unexpected things are going to happen. I've got to be flexible enough to face them head on and adapt to the ever changing EVERYTHING around me. I think it really is time to wake up, acknowledge and use the things that happen by and upon me to learn from them and to gain from them. No, I don't think it's going to be easy but isn't recognizing an issue the first part of solving it.
I guess I better stop here and help this driver get me home to my pine cones.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hitting Home...
I've called several places home other than my forever sweet home - Alabama! New Orleans - a home that still draws me in ways that I don't understand. SW Virginia - where the people are good as gold, the land rich in history and beholden to the future. Georgia - my 2nd home and where much of life has unfolded and continues to do so.
And tonight I once again realize... I'm "from" all these places. I'm "of" these places - a product of them.
I read al.com everyday (Everything Alabama) to keep up with all that's going on at "home". I watch Hurricane Katrina videos on youtube.com and I ache for my n'awlins the way it was. I go to bristolnews.com , not CNN.com to mourn for the loss at Va Tech, just up the road. And tonight in Georgia, I'm taken aback in sadness and shock for the loss of life, the tragedy of unwarranted, needless death.
First Katrina, then the Bluffton bus accident here in Atlanta and now the shootings at Va Tech. It's just plain sad. And it hits home.
And tonight I once again realize... I'm "from" all these places. I'm "of" these places - a product of them.
I read al.com everyday (Everything Alabama) to keep up with all that's going on at "home". I watch Hurricane Katrina videos on youtube.com and I ache for my n'awlins the way it was. I go to bristolnews.com , not CNN.com to mourn for the loss at Va Tech, just up the road. And tonight in Georgia, I'm taken aback in sadness and shock for the loss of life, the tragedy of unwarranted, needless death.
First Katrina, then the Bluffton bus accident here in Atlanta and now the shootings at Va Tech. It's just plain sad. And it hits home.
Obstacles
I was finally inspired to write again. I had enjoyed "penning" out the previous blog entries so much that I wondered when the next one would come to me. Well it has...
Thirty minutes of cardio a day I've been told. What? There's no time! Who wants to go to the gym or even do yard work every day. I can't do it. The drive time takes up alot of the time during the week. I've got time to go on the weekends but that's only 2 days.
"It's your life!" my doctor said.
Today seemed to be filled with obstacles. From the moment I got up and stumbled to the shower I was a bit lost for energy and I couldn't focus my eyes. I can NEVER wake up fully until I've had a good dose of warm to hot water showering down on me. Sometimes it's the best part of the day and it's always the best way for me to get started. I don't need a Diet Coke first, I don't need to know the news or what else is happening in the world, hot water is life's answer to mornings. Yet even after the morning shower I still couldn't focus my eyes and read email after I went downstairs and got the much needed morning cold caffiene.
I rode the 7:50 bus. I watched the 7:40 bus roll out (full) at 7:38 and off it went. That gave me a good seat on the 7:50 in exchange for my 12 minute wait. We had our monthly all DBA meeting at work today - 2nd Thursday of every month we meet to all get on the same page - tho I think some folks are in a different book so I'm not sure we'll ever all get on the same page but it's always interesting. Me listening intently as always being a good soldier , still not able to focus my eyes and still feeling a bit sleepy. Sometimes even the warm water of morning can't cure everything.
I had decided I'd take the afternoon off today so I could do some much needed real life yard therapy. My poor yard - looks like no one owns it or cares. Tho I really do! I wish it were lush, green, and overflowing with the beauty that early spring brings. It's not, but I'm ever hopeful.
Too much work to do. I didn't take the afternoon off. I did start trying to leave the office at 4:26pm which is too late to ride the 4:30 shuttle up the hill to the bus stop. So yet another obstacle and 14 more lost minutes. Then for some strange reason the 4:40 shuttle morphed into the 4:50 shuttle with me sitting on it. The driver made no explain even after one fellow passenger said "Isn't it time to go?". There was no response.
I've been trying to ride the 103 bus. It leaves headed to home more often than route 412 and it takes about 15-20 minutes less on it's path to just about the same spot. The deal is the 103 arrives for me as it's last stop before hitting I-85 North, the 412 I'm first on. And the 103 arrives often full and folks standing, the 412 empty and waiting. It's easier to take the longer road.
So a longer day at work than planned had turned into just another day. My thought when I first started writing was obstacles. Obstacles like the 2 accidents in the HOV lane on the way home, the usual 5pm traffic, a broken seat on the bus that forced me to sit on the opposite side of the bus and which prevented me from "helping" the bus driver drive. I wear myself out sometimes doing that when I should just relax. I ride the bus because of the gas prices so I can save the money for something else like bills, or next semester's tuition, or the elusive "vacation".
It seems there will be obstacles everyday. I've learned to overcome alot... now I gotta focus on turning daily obstacles -- time obstacles, transportation obstacles, WAY too many work obstacles -- into opportunities.
Oh and yeah, cardio.
Gotta do me some cardio!
Hmmmm, I wonder if getting my heart rate up helping the bus driver maneuver the 412 counts?
Thirty minutes of cardio a day I've been told. What? There's no time! Who wants to go to the gym or even do yard work every day. I can't do it. The drive time takes up alot of the time during the week. I've got time to go on the weekends but that's only 2 days.
"It's your life!" my doctor said.
Today seemed to be filled with obstacles. From the moment I got up and stumbled to the shower I was a bit lost for energy and I couldn't focus my eyes. I can NEVER wake up fully until I've had a good dose of warm to hot water showering down on me. Sometimes it's the best part of the day and it's always the best way for me to get started. I don't need a Diet Coke first, I don't need to know the news or what else is happening in the world, hot water is life's answer to mornings. Yet even after the morning shower I still couldn't focus my eyes and read email after I went downstairs and got the much needed morning cold caffiene.
I rode the 7:50 bus. I watched the 7:40 bus roll out (full) at 7:38 and off it went. That gave me a good seat on the 7:50 in exchange for my 12 minute wait. We had our monthly all DBA meeting at work today - 2nd Thursday of every month we meet to all get on the same page - tho I think some folks are in a different book so I'm not sure we'll ever all get on the same page but it's always interesting. Me listening intently as always being a good soldier , still not able to focus my eyes and still feeling a bit sleepy. Sometimes even the warm water of morning can't cure everything.
I had decided I'd take the afternoon off today so I could do some much needed real life yard therapy. My poor yard - looks like no one owns it or cares. Tho I really do! I wish it were lush, green, and overflowing with the beauty that early spring brings. It's not, but I'm ever hopeful.
Too much work to do. I didn't take the afternoon off. I did start trying to leave the office at 4:26pm which is too late to ride the 4:30 shuttle up the hill to the bus stop. So yet another obstacle and 14 more lost minutes. Then for some strange reason the 4:40 shuttle morphed into the 4:50 shuttle with me sitting on it. The driver made no explain even after one fellow passenger said "Isn't it time to go?". There was no response.
I've been trying to ride the 103 bus. It leaves headed to home more often than route 412 and it takes about 15-20 minutes less on it's path to just about the same spot. The deal is the 103 arrives for me as it's last stop before hitting I-85 North, the 412 I'm first on. And the 103 arrives often full and folks standing, the 412 empty and waiting. It's easier to take the longer road.
So a longer day at work than planned had turned into just another day. My thought when I first started writing was obstacles. Obstacles like the 2 accidents in the HOV lane on the way home, the usual 5pm traffic, a broken seat on the bus that forced me to sit on the opposite side of the bus and which prevented me from "helping" the bus driver drive. I wear myself out sometimes doing that when I should just relax. I ride the bus because of the gas prices so I can save the money for something else like bills, or next semester's tuition, or the elusive "vacation".
It seems there will be obstacles everyday. I've learned to overcome alot... now I gotta focus on turning daily obstacles -- time obstacles, transportation obstacles, WAY too many work obstacles -- into opportunities.
Oh and yeah, cardio.
Gotta do me some cardio!
Hmmmm, I wonder if getting my heart rate up helping the bus driver maneuver the 412 counts?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Bread of Life Cafe
I used to teach "Youth Sunday School" when we lived in Bristol, VA. Teaching youth was always a challenge because you had to take old time bible lessons and make them applicable and interesting for 13-18 year olds. Some kids were interested each week, some never were. It was like their parents made them come to church so they just endured the time.
I pretty much did a 10-15 lesson introduction before we split into smaller groups. I was often nervous but always tried to make it thru and make it stick, otherwise we were just wasting time. One of my favorite all time intros was "Bread of Life Cafe". We had a red and white checked table cloth with a basket with real french bread setup at the entrance to the classrooom area. It looked like you were walking into a restaurant where Jesus was being served. I mean that sincerely. One of my friends asked me some Sundays if I'm "going to get some Jesus?" and my answer is yes.
I think I live in the "Bread of Life Cafe" sometimes. Each day I find myself cooking a meal and most of those meals these days don't include bread. Too many carbs! But then you find what you need most is some good ol' bread. I titled this blog "Yard Therapy for the Mind Body Soul" because I feel like almost everything that's worthwhile feeds either your mind, your body, or your soul. If not, then you are probably wasting your time. Enduring. Wasting this day of your life. So just like when I was teaching Youth Sunday School, I've got to make this day applicable and interesting. Applicable to the feeding of my mind, body and soul and interesting enough to make it stick so that it's something I want to feed on and digest and use.
Last night I went to see "Little Eagles of Siberia" a youth singing / performing group. They were so young, excited, and "into" what they were doing. It did my soul good to feast on all the good that oozed from them. It did me good to share it with my friend Ricardo whose mother is Russian decent. It did me good to not be sitting in front of the television watching mindless TV. It did me good to skip a true meal last night and just each some cheese and shredded wheat cereal as a healthy carb. It did me good this past weekend to put my mind in neutral and go hiking and glorified camping in the cabin. To share some board games with friends, and good food, fun. To laugh, to share, to get to know one another with common questions that showed how strangers only 5 months ago can have so much in common. Am I making sense?
I'm finding when I surround myself with GOOD, my mind body and soul are fulfilled. Good carbs like shredded wheat - sure - but it's more than that. It's GOOD BREAD! Feasting on LIFE, living on GOOD things is what sustains and lifts up. Avoiding those things that make us less of what we are supposed to be and surrounding myself with GOOD. Who knew the BREAD of LIFE could be so good. So I'm creating a Bread of Life Cafe each day without knowing it was happening. I'm attracted to GOOD because it's the BREAD I need.
The Bread of Life Cafe... serving up GOOD - it's interesting, it's applicable, it's feeding my soul just like it did on that Sunday morning in Bristol.
**** In memory of VeronicaYates and Paul Dugger who taught with me and encouraged me so often.
**** In honor of Peggy Miller who listened to me, talked to me, prayed with and for me, and who taught me so much.
I pretty much did a 10-15 lesson introduction before we split into smaller groups. I was often nervous but always tried to make it thru and make it stick, otherwise we were just wasting time. One of my favorite all time intros was "Bread of Life Cafe". We had a red and white checked table cloth with a basket with real french bread setup at the entrance to the classrooom area. It looked like you were walking into a restaurant where Jesus was being served. I mean that sincerely. One of my friends asked me some Sundays if I'm "going to get some Jesus?" and my answer is yes.
I think I live in the "Bread of Life Cafe" sometimes. Each day I find myself cooking a meal and most of those meals these days don't include bread. Too many carbs! But then you find what you need most is some good ol' bread. I titled this blog "Yard Therapy for the Mind Body Soul" because I feel like almost everything that's worthwhile feeds either your mind, your body, or your soul. If not, then you are probably wasting your time. Enduring. Wasting this day of your life. So just like when I was teaching Youth Sunday School, I've got to make this day applicable and interesting. Applicable to the feeding of my mind, body and soul and interesting enough to make it stick so that it's something I want to feed on and digest and use.
Last night I went to see "Little Eagles of Siberia" a youth singing / performing group. They were so young, excited, and "into" what they were doing. It did my soul good to feast on all the good that oozed from them. It did me good to share it with my friend Ricardo whose mother is Russian decent. It did me good to not be sitting in front of the television watching mindless TV. It did me good to skip a true meal last night and just each some cheese and shredded wheat cereal as a healthy carb. It did me good this past weekend to put my mind in neutral and go hiking and glorified camping in the cabin. To share some board games with friends, and good food, fun. To laugh, to share, to get to know one another with common questions that showed how strangers only 5 months ago can have so much in common. Am I making sense?
I'm finding when I surround myself with GOOD, my mind body and soul are fulfilled. Good carbs like shredded wheat - sure - but it's more than that. It's GOOD BREAD! Feasting on LIFE, living on GOOD things is what sustains and lifts up. Avoiding those things that make us less of what we are supposed to be and surrounding myself with GOOD. Who knew the BREAD of LIFE could be so good. So I'm creating a Bread of Life Cafe each day without knowing it was happening. I'm attracted to GOOD because it's the BREAD I need.
The Bread of Life Cafe... serving up GOOD - it's interesting, it's applicable, it's feeding my soul just like it did on that Sunday morning in Bristol.
**** In memory of VeronicaYates and Paul Dugger who taught with me and encouraged me so often.
**** In honor of Peggy Miller who listened to me, talked to me, prayed with and for me, and who taught me so much.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Planting life!
"Some people think that as soon as you plant a tree, it must bear fruit. We must allow it to grow a bit."
Prince Tunku putta Abdul Rahman (b. 1903) - Malaysian political leader
I read this this morning looking for something to put on the kitchen chalkboard. I always looks for something that strikes me and hits home with how I'm feeling or where I'm at. I don't recall ever seeing this one before and it was right on the money.
As the sun starts to come up today and I'm yet again NOT leaving early for work because I'm dilly dallying around per usual, I think yet again the tranquil easy start of the morning has served it's purpose. All the kitchen dishes are clean (yep washed them , dishwasher still leaking), I had some good oatmeal (it was quick oats I accidentally bought AGAIN!), I made a good looking salad for lunch, and I checked in on news, bank, and emails. Now time to really get rolling but it's already been a good start. All that's left is shower and THE BUS!
Oh, the chalkboard.... I sure hope I've been planting trees the past few years. I sure feel like it tho I never really looked at it like that. I've been looking for fruit when maybe the most important thing right now is that all I'm sowing really just needs to show signs of life, being green and growing. The fruits going to come! If you're one of my trees or hey, if I'm one - keep growing, keep knowing that I'm weeding around you, fertilizing you, hoping the sun shines on you, and yeah if it seems I'm throwing chicken manure sometimes, it's fertilizer! Growth comes in many forms not just when the apple ripens. (I needed to know that this morning!) ... sunny and 70 today. GROW!
Prince Tunku putta Abdul Rahman (b. 1903) - Malaysian political leader
I read this this morning looking for something to put on the kitchen chalkboard. I always looks for something that strikes me and hits home with how I'm feeling or where I'm at. I don't recall ever seeing this one before and it was right on the money.
As the sun starts to come up today and I'm yet again NOT leaving early for work because I'm dilly dallying around per usual, I think yet again the tranquil easy start of the morning has served it's purpose. All the kitchen dishes are clean (yep washed them , dishwasher still leaking), I had some good oatmeal (it was quick oats I accidentally bought AGAIN!), I made a good looking salad for lunch, and I checked in on news, bank, and emails. Now time to really get rolling but it's already been a good start. All that's left is shower and THE BUS!
Oh, the chalkboard.... I sure hope I've been planting trees the past few years. I sure feel like it tho I never really looked at it like that. I've been looking for fruit when maybe the most important thing right now is that all I'm sowing really just needs to show signs of life, being green and growing. The fruits going to come! If you're one of my trees or hey, if I'm one - keep growing, keep knowing that I'm weeding around you, fertilizing you, hoping the sun shines on you, and yeah if it seems I'm throwing chicken manure sometimes, it's fertilizer! Growth comes in many forms not just when the apple ripens. (I needed to know that this morning!) ... sunny and 70 today. GROW!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Coming back!
It was 40 degrees for what seemed like all weekend. I literally hibernated this weekend because I was obsessing about everything. Why isn't the grass turning green? Do I need to get a yard service for the first time in 8 years or so? How can I cut back the monkey grass while the jonquils are popped up in the middle of last year's scraggly old lirope! I napped on a Saturday for nearly 2 hours and listened to Ch. 24 / SUNNY on XM. It's all mellow feel good songs of the '70s (well mostly). I woke up feeling much better and I had put my mind in neutral, just what I needed. I MADE myself stop thinking.
Then I came into the kitchen and started ripping wallpaper off the wall. I'm tired of it. I haven't had a good project in about 2-3 years. So I feel like I'm coming back. It's almost spring and yeah I should have done the walls in the dead of winter but as the temps warm up outside I really feel like I'm awakening from more than just the hibernation, I'm coming back!
Then I came into the kitchen and started ripping wallpaper off the wall. I'm tired of it. I haven't had a good project in about 2-3 years. So I feel like I'm coming back. It's almost spring and yeah I should have done the walls in the dead of winter but as the temps warm up outside I really feel like I'm awakening from more than just the hibernation, I'm coming back!
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