An Open Heart

In my life February is heart month.  Birthdays - my own and many family. Valentine's. The day I got my pacemaker is in February - how close to the heart can you get?

Yesterday I noticed vividly the tan dried leaves of dormant winter in the trees at the park.  Some had lost their leaves completely.  The pines ever in their green.  They wear the winter well.  As I walked to my car I noticed the jonquils were in rare multiple bud form this year.  Maybe it's the seventh year when they multiply.  It sure seems so.  Though one stood out in a row of buds - full bloom standing tall.  Could it be it had opened it's heart to this chill in the air without regard for the risk it took to do so?

When I went in for heart surgery I did pretty much as I often do.  I pretty much ignored that it was me this was happening to.  Short of breath, gaining weight from the drugs that managed high BP and heart tissue thickness.  That moment the nurse said to the surgeon in consultation "And what's the diagnosis?'.  "Heart failure" he said.

WHAT? WHO?

Oh geez they must be talking about someone else, she's only been in here for like three minutes.

They fixed it! Well they repaired the issues that Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM) causes.  They stopped my heart, opened my heart up and carved down a thickened septum that was slowly shutting me down.  Crazy huh still to this day.  It's a fix, not a cure.  But a good fix.  

Is opening your heart a good thing?

The recovery of that particular heart opening has been difficult tho it's gotten easier. I couldn't walk 300 steps when I first came home from the hospital and now each day I expect 10,000 steps of myself.  In being realistic I've set 50,000 steps as a weekly goal.   That number should have health benefits and maybe keep my heart from having to be opened for that particular reason for a long time.

I find myself reflective on Sunday mornings.  I recall the Sunday mornings of life readying for church and often unique Sunday dinners - either in home or at a restaurant.  Many of my favorite places serve chicken and dressing on Sundays.  That's a heart food and isn't that what we do on Sundays.  We open our hearts and feed them. I think in the ready for spiritual centering in our lives, I've often seen Sunday as a new week's beginning of heart opening in much the same way as Monday's are for opening of your heart (stomach) to begin eating right again.  Sunday we open our hearts to the spiritual food we need.  Formal or not, musical or not, the moment arrives and we find ourselves at a new beginning.  Or we continue!  We continue that journey of opening our heart to what's best for us, what feeds that eternal juggling pattern of keeping mind, body and soul in unison.

I'm attempting to open my heart to new and good things for myself.  I'm a clutter monster as I surround myself with relics that probably will never have a use but I like how focusing on the relics provoke feelings, memories, hopes, dreams and - oh geez - DUST!  My clutter monster is smothering my jonquil blood within. It has no room to stand up much less bloom.

I'm not one to try new things that easily but as I stand (sit) in the 3rd quarter of my life I know I must open my heart to many things or I'll not experience them.  I'll sit here and say I want a modern, simplistic home but I have not opened my heart to tossing the things that I'll never use again to make room for things I use so much more.

I am challenged to open my heart to new things and I find solace and strength this Sunday morning on the fact that I've opened my heart up for renewal and strength just as what Sundays are for.  My daily walks in the quiet of that heart therapy gives me time to think and find myself.  Just as I must keep my heart tissue as soft as possible and myself as healthy as I can to fight back on the HCM I must soften my thoughts to how thrilled in the heart I'd be to wake up in a new place some mornings by opening myself to explore beyond my comfort zone.

Thus I say unto you... that sounds Sunday morning huh?  Thus I say unto you I will open my heart to new things building on a foundation but not resting it.  I will open my heart to continuing to work on mind, body and soul.  And this Sunday is a good day to start, to continue.

Heart Failure?  No Way!

AN OPEN HEART!  YES.... let's carve that septum. Cranberry sauce?

The Path

I often recall when I was 12 we moved out in the country. It was only about 3 miles from true civilization but it seemed 300 at times. The real difference was we had family living on the same 15 acre plot. (Plot sounds so such a graveyard term so I think it's best to just say it was 15 acres of isolation - ha! Or so I thought.)

Over time we adapted and somehow the next several years we adjusted, had things you'd never have in the city (like horses and a big garden) and as one of my cousins stated last year, "we had the best family support structure that a kid could ask for or imagine". There was a time when I believe not only my family, my paternal grandparents but two aunts and one uncle along with their families lived within walking distance. Maybe we didn't all live there at the same time but I think the years for sure overlapped some.

I often made the path between our house and my Grandmother's house. She was always cooking something and always sharing a meal with us. Her house was warm and there was always someone there. It was like a hub. Relatives stopped by and there were many.

The worn path meandered around a tree stump, a big rock or two, you could tuck under the clothesline or go around. In some places it was wider than others and easy to navigate. It was unlit except by moonlight. I walked it often without even a flashlight and traced my shadow and trajectory to the end point porch lights. It was worn and true. It represented the connection between the houses but oh so much more.

I haven't taken time lately to look at the path and for sure I haven't walked it but the path stands out in my mind and I want to remember everything that it represents.

Today.

And Always - Life is a journey. A path.

 Remember that Southern Mississippi Game...

My Mom used to go to one Alabama football game a year with me.  In 2001 as the summer ended we had planned to go to the Southern Mississippi game on September 15th in Birmingham.   Little did we know that 4 days prior to the game that the entire world would seem to have ended.  Terrorist attacks, deaths, uncertainties and more surrounded us via every news outlet.

All the games for September 15 were postponed.  Then later as the world settled down to a hum instead of a roar the Southern Mississippi game was moved to Thursday November 30.  It was so odd to have a game cancelled back then and it was unimaginable for Alabama to play on a Thursday night.

Football didn't seem all that important yet it was the normalcy that was missed for us as fall meant many trips to Alabama for football and lots of visiting with family that often settled in randomly during the other months of the year.

Alabama was struggling back in 2001.  The Southern Miss game which was won 28-15 by Bama helped Alabama improve to a 6-5 record and qualify for a bowl game that year.  The most memorable thing about the game was the weather - all day long there was hubbub about whether the fame would even be played as a slow moving front moved thru with 30-35 mile per hour wind driven rain.  IT LASTED THE ENTIRE GAME.  

Mom, Brooklyn, Blake and I sat huddled against a inside stadium retaining wall protecting us from the back and basically a tarp over us and more rain gear than I could probably assemble today.  Much of the fame I though we were doing good.  I was pretty dry for the conditions.  We peeked out to watch the game.  It was a miserable experience - something you don't really have at an Alabama game. Miserable. 

We got back to the car.  I mentioned that we'd done pretty good.  Mom, never one to complain about much of anything, especially while we were out doing something said "I'M SOAKED!"  What I didn't know was that she'd caught the brunt of the blowing rain coming in under the tarp.  

Our suffrage was nothing compared to what others were going thru in the fall of 2001.  Lives changed forever so in the end I'm forever grateful for the four of us getting to experience the day together and the game.  It's one we talked about for years and still talk about at times.

I always look at September 2001 as a shock to our lives.  It made us love, long and cherish the average day.  It woke us up from ourselves.  It was horrible but it didn't destroy us.

Alabama will play Southern Miss next Saturday 9/18 in Tuscaloosa.  I hope it's a beautiful day.  We will walk thru metal detectors because the world still hasn't figured out how to love unconditionally.  I'll recall that game 20 years ago but most of all I hope new memories ease the old ones or slip in comfortably next to them and one day we will say "Remember that Southern Miss game when...".

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Written on the 20th anniversary of September 11, 2001 attacks on the US.  In honor of all whose lives were changed forever and in honor of all whose life was lost.

Written with the thought that LIFE IS GOOD.  Find good things.  Learn to love unconditionally. Use today to celebrate life and lives.

Dedicated to Lola McClellan and Judy Mixon whose birthdays are today.  Live big ladies!

Dedicated to Jesse Knighton and the memory of Jack Knighton whose anniversary is today.  Love you!

Reflections of Spring

Reflections of Spring 2016 - yes, 2016 - these popped up in my Facebook feed as "on this day". So much life on Buckhorn hill that day as spring emerged in all it's glory.  I walked around taking quick snapshots from various angles trying to capture life emerging from the ground and reach for the sunshine and warmth while at the same time presenting it's color as a gift of thanks for bringing forth all that comes from experiencing the winter - a season of recluse and resting - while preparing for the summer heat that feels so good but can bring perspiration and wilt

 Ah this season of spring - the perfect time between winter and summer to bloom, grow, and be.

Maple Emerging

It's been a while since I blogged. Just hasn't been something I've longed for like I did a few years ago but I feel like I'm bringing it back.  Like the Japanese Maple in the front yard you see above I feel I'm coming up out of this long winter.  All winters seem long to me and I'm especially thankful that this one has been short on extreme temperatures.  So look for me, I'm emerging again.  Life is budding and there's got to be a renewal in the works.

Listening to Helen Reddy singing brings me a solace like nothing else seems to do:

And when one of us is gone

And one of us is left to carry on

Then remembering will have to do

Our memories alone will get us through

Think about the days of me and you.

So now it's time to carry on to a deeper level... and emerge like a maple.

Mozzarella Stuffed Meatloaf

Since it's been too cold for yard therapy. I had a little kitchen therapy and this was very good.

I sub'd lean ground beef for the turkey.
I sub'd Lipton onion soup mix for minced onion (so I didn’t add any other "salt")
I used fat free grated mozzarella cheese.
I added canned petite diced tomatoes drained
I added black pepper and italian seasoning (just a shake over the top)
I drained the spinach.
My bread crumbs were "italian".

Since I made small meatloaf balls instead of a loaf, I cooked for 45 minutes. I did let stand for 10 minutes.

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Mozzarella Stuffed Turkey Meatloaf
servings 6

1 1/2 lbs. of lean ground turkey
10oz frozen chopped spinach
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 cup part skim mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup minced onions
2 egg whites
2 TBSP ketchup
1 TBSP Worcestershire sauce

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375. Thaw and drain spinach. Mix all ingredients in a large mixing bowl. In a greased loaf pan pack mixture into shape. Bake for 60 minutes, or until top gets golden brown. Let stand 5 to 10 minutes after baking. Cut into 6 even pieces

I'm not facebook... I need more than 250 characters

I've been posting a few random thoughts on Facebook. I enjoy it but I really like the whole blog thing - then again I haven't posted in a year. Go figure.

I love sunshine. I sang along to the radio in the car this morning just because it was sunny out. Most memorable - "Ring my Bell" - Anita Baker. Disco era. Love it.

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I love chili! omg! I made chili last night and I have some for lunch today.

Chili
1 lb lean ground beef, browned
1/2 large onion, diced small
1 green pepper, diced small
1 can of diced tomato, nah make it 2
1 can of tomato sauce
a little cumin
a little black pepper
a little salt if you must
1 pkg French's Chili-O , only one that will do!
Optional: 1 can of Black Beans (drained) or Chili Beans or Kidney Beans (drained)

To browned ground beef, add onion and bell pepper until onion gets a little tender. Then add tomatoes and sauce. Rinse cans with water and pour into pot - this will probably be about 1/2 a can of water and will dilute the chili just a bit. Add more if it's too thick. Let simmer for at least 30 minutes on low. Serve with fritos, or tortilla chips or oyster crackers (!) with a little grated 2% cheese and fat free sour cream. De-lish!

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Over the weekend the little bit of freezing rain we had froze onto the Japanese Maple tree. I think that's part of what makes the buds set and preps that little tree for it's red glory.


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I'm an old soul. I like things the way they used to be but with modern convenience of course. No need to live in the past, drive forward and do your thing. That's the best way to go.

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Checked on a friend yesterday who didn't reply to a text. They were ok and glad I checked in on them. // Called another friend who I had not spoken to in a while just to say HI and let them know I was still around and glad they were too. // Answered an email from a cousin who misses me across the miles and I miss them. // Sent a card to someone who is having a tough week to let them know good warm days are ahead.

Yeah, I'm not facebook. I need more than 250 characters to fit my thoughts into.